once upon a time at starbucks

FADE IN


INT. STARBUCKS COUNTER INSIDE TARGET - DAY

BRETT (40-ish, pissy, ruggedly handsome) wanders to the
counter, sighs.

              STARBUCKS LADY
       Good afternoon! How can I help you?

              BRETT
       Medium latté, please.

              STARBUCKS LADY
       Oooooo, I'm sorry! My cash register
       is broken...

Starbucks Lady gestures towards register like some
hostess on The Price Is Right.

              STARBUCKS LADY (cont.)
       ... so I can't make any coffee
       drinks...

Starbucks Lady now gestures towards coffee maker, again
like some hostess on The Price Is Right.

              STARBUCKS LADY (cont.)
       ... but is there anything else I can
       offer you?

Starbucks Lady gives a Stepford smile. Brett glowers.

              BRETT
       You mean, besides this scintillating
       conversation?

Starbucks Lady smiles and tilts her head in confusion,
a la RCA Victor dog.

              BRETT (cont.)
       Ya know, a Starbucks that doesn't offer
       coffee really doesn't require a worker
       in an apron, does it? It would get a lot
       more use from a sign saying CLOSED --
       NO COFFEE.

Starbucks Lady still smiles, head still cocked.

World music soothingly annoys from somewhere.

Brett still glowers, then turns to leave.

              BRETT (cont.)
             (to self)
       I'm surrounded by idiots...

              STARBUCKS LADY
       Thank you! Please come again!

                                             FADE OUT