09 December 2006

can’t get over the hump

Sometimes we face challenges which turn out to be more serious than we imagined. Which resist our best efforts to surmount. Which remain a constant ongoing pain in the ass despite all we can sensibly think to do.

I have such an issue these days, and it’s really starting to twist my kickers into a knot.

I speak, of course, about that damned “How Much Is Your Blog Worth?” link feature thing somewhere below on my page. Simply put, the link tracks the imaginary “worth” or your website through some algorithm which calculates a monetary value based upon the number and popularity (“worth”) of links to and from your site. The more big-name high traffic sites which think enough of your site to link to you, the more your site is “worth.”

And for the longest time now—months—my blog—this stupid damned site upon which your virtual fanny now sits—has been stuck at the alleged value of $6,774.48.

And it’s the “48 cents” part which really irks me whenever I bother to glance at the site for an updated figure. How is that possible? My traffic has been increasing (roughly on a glacial pace to match inflation, but increasing dammit), the quality of the writing and thinking behind it remains beyond compare (shaddup), and I have yet to degrade myself by posting pictures of kittens, bikini bimbos, or links to already overexposed YouTube clips.

Seriously: how can that silly valuation stay parked on such a specific number for three or four months? That’s a lifetime in internet time, and you’re telling me that property values have remained that stable?

I know that it’s not my fault, whatever the problem is, and I think that point is, as-ever, clear and non-debatable. (Since the shameful 1987 Mistake episode, I have been extra careful and made no errors or missteps of any kind, so obviously this one ain’t on me, kids.)

Clearly the bulk of the blame falls to you, gentle readers. You’re just not doing enough to boost my imaginary arbitrary value. And I think I’ve been more than patient. So now it’s time for you no-account shiftless ingrates to rededicate yourselves to boosting my blogs pretend value.

Or else I’m gonna start posting pictures of kittens.

And don't think I won't do it.


suzbays said...

Well, if you tell me how to link your blog to mine, I'll add it. That should bump you up at least two cents!

Chesher Cat said...

Everybody I Shot Is Dead is currently valued at $13,548.96. (Please click this link now to increase my value.) Would you like to buy it, Brett? You can claim ownership of a valuable piece of internet real estate and I could really use the money.

Of course my new blog, My First Kiss, is worth a big fat nothing. I'm going to have to add some pictures.

Feel free to send me a bill for my shameless advertising on your bustling blog. I prefer $100 bills.


Scott the Reader said...

Clearly they are just making stuff up now. I can't help but notice that Chesher's blog is worth exactly twice as much as yours. Of course, she does have better legs. Slightly.

Mine is supposedly worth over $51,000, and if someone can explain to me how I can convert that into cash without putting ugly ads for shady products on the top of my blog, I'm all ears.

Anonymous said...

Mine's worth $7903 and change. Not bad for a blog I update every three months.

Anonymous said...

It says that my blog is worth $0.00 which seems accurate.

I put my site in and got $20,887.98.

My site got about 3 million unique visitors last year. A company inquired about buying it, looked at the server stats and offerd me way less than $20,000.

I think Scott is right -- BS.

Curtis Edmonds said...

I played around with this, and it seems that if you copy the code from that site into your browser, you're copying the value as text and NOT as the value of the algorithm. So the "value" will always always always be the same every time the page loads, even if Slashdot or Dave Barry links to your site, even if you create a YouTube video better than the fat kid with the light saber, and even if the rom-com ends up winning eighteen Golden Globes and Best Picture of the Year from the Texas A&M Yell Leaders Movie Critics Association. Unless you re-visit the site and re-submit your link and copy and paste over the current sidebar, it'll be $6,774.48 until the giant lizards from Omicron Perseii Eight land and outlaw blogging as taking away valuable time from sugar mining. And even then it's chancy.

seemaxrun said...

No no, not the kittens, ahhhh!

How many posts do you need?